hello gang guys this is another screencast in relation to essay writing and this particular screencast is going to be focusing on structuring extended paragraphs in terms of critical evaluation for 10 mark essays 20 mark essays at OCR a level physical education and a to a level physical education so my previous screencast we were talking about the three simple steps when you first get a question of deciphering the command words the subject qualifier and the so called development points if you need a recap on that pop back to the previous videos for information on that because you will need that before you can start constructing extended paragraphs now when we’re talking about extended paragraphing we’re usually talking about what we call a PE d e structure now to identify which paragraphs need PE te structure generally speaking it’s not always the case but generally speaking it will be command words that relate to the following things in pink so explain compare/contrast construct so again you can pause this to understand those or the higher-order command words which are discussed critically evaluate justify or formulate and so in these style paragraphing we need to give a bit more detail or show a bit more working to get the extra marks from the examiners again pause this screen if you need more definitions on those specific command words or go back to the previous screencast so what do we need to do with these particular paragraphs well in my previous screencast we talked about simple paragraph in which is PE d as seen on this screencast screen but with the extended paragraphs you need to add more detail so we need to add an extra explained on the end hence the PE d e aspect of these particular paragraphs and again the reason being if we look at the mark scheme we’ve got to talk about accurate use of technical and specialist vocabulary well-argued independent opinion which is now going to become quite important and detailed knowledge and excellent understanding so we’re looking at these things to push into our paragraph which is why the PD structure doesn’t quite work because it’s too simplistic we need to add another layer of depth where we can to our argument or what we’re going to be talking about okay so the peak clearly stands for points and we’re talking about making a very clear or specific point in relation to the subject qualify again if you’re not sure what the subject qualifier is head back to this previous screencast so we’re going to use this particular example which is in relation to sports psychology which is at a level linear and also a CPA so hopefully it’ll work for both of you the particular aspects of this question we’re looking at is the second part so the command words really evaluate critically so we’re looking at that PDE structure now immediately when we see those command style words and it’s looking at personality profiling sports so I’m going to give you an example of how to structure this and then give you the whole paragraph at the end of this example so we need to think about points in relation to personality profiling because that’s the subject qualify so let’s have a thing so we could think about modification subjectivity stereotyping but because it says evaluate critically we’ve also got to think of some positives about personality profiling not just the negatives and this is where it’s critical to understand what needs to go into this paragraph so in terms of negatives we could think about when our personality profiling would help to identify person to put them into the right position in a team sport or it could once they’ve done the test and they’ve realized all I’m an extrovert it could increase their confidence or motivation to do something else so we’ve got five sort of areas where we can we can make deliberate paragraphs out of each of these forward points so we’re going to pick one of these and work it through so the e part will obviously be explained so we’re going to give some evidence after our main point or give a specific example to back our initial point so going back to the example or the essay question that I’ve provided above we’re going to think about examples to match our point so if our main point is about subjectivity we will define the idea of subjectivity and personality profiling which I’ll show you again at the end and once we’ve made that point about subjectivity you think in a bucket with some form of example to support what you’re saying so on the screen a performer has resulted in being a stable extrovert from doing the personality profiling the coach administrating the personality profiling test may decide so you think okay they were stable extrovert I am going to push them into a position of a Center in network team because they require good communication with others and they require working with others an extroverts thrive on that social interactivity so that’s a nice example to back my first point of subjectivity and once I’ve done that I need to show some extended knowledge which is the development point linking back to what the question is asking me so we’re looking at the question it says evaluate critically personality profiling in sport so we’ve got to relate to how does that profiling affect sport in some way so then let’s have a think so we’ve got our idea of subjectivity of the coach being the person who makes this decision about the personality profiling result we’ve got our example of okay I’ve put this extrovert into the center position as a netball team but subjectivity generally speaking is a disadvantage point of profiling so we need to talk in a disadvantaged way so we’re going to relate this whole paragraph about talking about a disadvantage of personality profiling now a really important point to remember is when you’re working at these extended twenty-mile answers try not to put an advantage and a disadvantage in the same paragraph just stick to one thing so not only am i sticking to one idea of subjectivity I’m also sticking to a theme of my one paragraph of a disadvantage of personality profiling so I’m not going to mix that up or then talking about advantages as well so I’m just going to stick with disadvantages so my disadvantage point of what I’ve already said would be the problem with putting that netballer in as a center just because she’s a stable extrovert it might not actually be suitable for that performer and therefore the performances might decline leading to a lack of confidence or a lack of motivation so I’m giving some theory as to what a problem might be in accordance to subjectivity what we then need to do is then back my development point with some form of example so we’re not using this example to back the first point we’re using this example to back the development point and that’s critical so so far we’ve got the problem is that it may not be the best position suitable for the performer and as I mentioned before the performances may then decline due to a lack of confidence can we think of an example of that well yes we can the performer is then placed into the netbook center position due to her personality which is what we’re looking at but her fitness though was actually not that great and so therefore she can’t keep up with play she can’t get on the ball enough she’s weak defensively she might then experience a loss in motivation or confidence and the gradual impact of this is that she doesn’t want to continue playing for that netball team in that position and may end up reducing participation all together all because the idea of that coach has looked at her personality profiling and place this person into one position now the thing I’ve done with my second example which is another good tip is try to connect my first example into the second example so in my first example I use netball as a general rule of thumb for my paragraph and in the second example I continued that theme of netball and it makes a nice structured paragraph by connecting those two examples together as well as what you’re saying so try to do that way you can try not to give a first example of football and the second example of rugby for example it still works in terms of the structure but it shows a little bit better construction if I can use two examples that are linked together somehow as well all right just the recap before you start any essay writing you should look at those three simple steps as I mentioned before on a previous screencast we should then think about the paragraph need a peb structure is it simple one or does it need a PE d e structure which is a more extended paragraph so we’re looking at those command words very carefully to identify that and once we have that we can then construct our paragraph and now you can see it’s quite detailed or adding a lot of depth and the depth is in the examples we’re giving specific things that link to the points that I’m saying and it’s providing the examiner with much more knowledge of what you know about the subject content again if you wish to pause this just to look at it I’ve done it in different colors to show that the points the example the development point on the example hopefully you can look at this and then work it with other specific design questions to see how you might structure something else now just before I leave you a very important point once you’ve talked about an advantage of a particular aspect of theory that you’re talking about are you the subject qualifier your next paragraph could be a disadvantage so you took the whole of the next paragraph with the disadvantage so for example in this paragraph I talked about a main disadvantage of personality profiling but my next paragraph might lead on to an advantage of personality profiling and so therefore I’m becoming critical is the critical evaluation showing some form of evaluation or even analysis of what’s going on you don’t have to structure it like that you could go with all advantages but at some point you’ve got to put a disadvantage paragraph in other words you’re not providing evaluation effectively all right as always thanks for listening if you need any more support with any of your Pei level-based work please head to the I speak PE channel on YouTube and obviously like the video if you were interested in it Thanks up


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